Things I'm Not Allowed To In Equestria 2
by Rapture Dream
Summary: Hello once again! The Princess found more things that I'm not allowed to do. Oh well, I guess I'll just share it with you and hope that Equestria doesn't adopt death penalty by the end of the year.
1. 1001 - 1100

1001\. Just because I am making a new list doesn't mean the first one is no longer in effect.

1002\. Fluttershy would be very grateful if I stopped claiming that she is a furry.

1003\. Any and all "swimsuit" calendars shall only be produced if the ponies depicted within are aware of its existence and have given their permission to use the images in said calendar.

1004\. -"They weren't complaining when I took the pictures" isn't an excuse. They were asleep for Celestia's sake!

1005\. I'm not the Princess of Cutie Marks and if I continue to get blank flanks to worship me there will be punishment.

1006\. Twilight Sparkle is not: Melody, Batgirl, Bubbles, Raven, Ben Tennyson, Timmy Turner, Princess Clara, Gwen, Omi, Kara, Sara, Juliet Starling, Squirrel Girl, Harley Quinn and especially not Tara Strong.

1007\. -It doesn't matter that she sounds a lot like them.

1008\. Princess Twilight Sparkle and friends do not wished to be referred as "Rainbow Warriors".

1009\. I'm not allowed to turn Rainbow Dash into a griffon.

1010\. -Even if it was her idea.

1011\. It is NOT better to ask forgiveness rather than permission in regards to anything on this list.

1012\. No matter how amusing it might be, lacing the Princesses' food with hallucinogens before an important political meeting is never a good idea.

1013\. -If Saddle Arabia declares war on Equestria, I'll be sent to Tartarus.

1014\. Me, Berry Punch, Cheese Sandwich, Pinkie and Maud Pie are no longer allowed to be drinking buddies. Last time we got boozed together it was necessary the combined powers of Celestia, Luna, Cadance, the Elements of Harmony and Discord, plus a temporary alliance with Tirek and the changelings in order to stop all of us.

1015\. -After recent events from now on the act of giving booze to Maud is strictly forbidden within Equestria.

1016\. -I'm not allowed to take Maud outside Equestria just to give her booze.

1017\. Burning wicker effigies of hated enemies in public places is not accepted as a recreational pastime.

1018\. Teaching Pinkie annoying songs is forbidden. SHE DOESN'T STOP.

1019\. I'm not allowed to get Flim and Flam to help me realize my "twin threesome fantasy".

1020\. I'm not allowed to use the Tree of Harmony as firewood.

1021\. I'm not allowed to refer to a thousand years ago as Celestia's bad year.

1022\. I'm not allowed to refer to Princess Twilight's fight against Tirek as the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Harmony.

1023\. Tirek is not Lyra's long lost brother.

1024\. -Neither is he her father.

1025\. -They are in no way related, period.

1026\. I'm strictly forbidden from kidnapping "boyfriends".

1027\. -Nopony cares if he is a nice colt.

1028\. - I'm also not allowed to kidnap "girlfriends".

1029\. -This means I have to release Coco Pommel.

1030\. -And Fluttershy.

1031\. -And Rarity.

1032\. -If I want a date so much I should just ask my ex out, we clearly still have feelings for each other.

1033\. The residents of Tartarus are to be left alone.

1034\. My medication is to be taken every day.

1035\. -My medication is to be taken BY ME every day.

1036\. -My medication is to be taken IN IT'S PRESCRIBED DOSAGE BY ME every day.

1037\. I'm not allowed to open portals into Tartarus for the purposes of waste disposal.

1038\. -I'm also not allowed to banish ponies to Tartarus, only the Princesses have the authority to do that.

1039\. I'm no longer allowed to touch anything inside the Castle without expressed permission, signed in triplicate, and submitted three days in advance.

1040\. Despite the flattering rumor, Big MacIntosh does not 'bang a dozen fillies every morning'.

1041\. -It's more like a hundred...

1042\. -The mares of Equestria need to be warned! Behind that quiet farmer appearance is a beast!

1043\. Binding spells are not to be used for the purposes of bondage during wild sex.

1044\. I'm not allowed to tell Spike to "get on top and ride me" as it tends to be interpreted the wrong way.

1045\. The black hedgehog is to be returned to its appropriated habitat.

1046\. -The blue one too. His and Rainbow Dash's races are destroying the city and they refuse to call it a draw.

1047\. -The two-tailed fox, however, can stay.

1048\. The best solution to all love triangles is not a threesome.

1049\. Spike and I are not allowed to fight over Rarity.

1050\. -We both know she likes Applejack, anyway.

1051\. -And we also know that Applejack has a crush on Rainbow Dash.

1052\. -Who is crushing on Pinkie Pie…

1053\. -This is getting complicated and I should stop before it becomes an orgy.

1054\. It is not possible to create an alicorn/dragon fusion, therefore I must stop trying.

1055\. -Yes, this is about the time I forced Twilight and Spike to do the fusion dance.

1056\. If I put Sweetie Belle and a sleepless Applejack together in the same kitchen again, I'm ordered to report for cleanup duty.

1057\. -Cleanup duty will consist of consuming whatever they produced.

1058\. Telling Rarity that her best chance to ever get with Applejack is through a threesome with Rainbow Dash is deemed hazardous.

1059\. Calling Princess Celestia "Tyrant Troll Molestia" is not a good idea.

1060\. -Particularly to her face.

1061\. -Being drunk is not an excuse.

1062\. -Nor will it raise my chances of getting laid by "being honest".

1063\. -Contrary to popular belief, honesty is not always the best policy, especially involving Princesses and vacations on the Moon.

1064\. I'm no longer allowed to watch the movie "300" or any similar movie.

1065\. -Nor am I allowed to build a large hole to toss "weak" ponies. And Spike.

1066\. I'm not allowed to distribute an album of sexy pictures of the Princess. They will kill me if I do.

1067\. -And Shining Armor will help. Nopony messes with his family.

1068\. -And if I do distribute the album, I better put some pictures of Twilight or she'll get angry with me for not being included.

1069\. -And I'm to explain exactly how I got a got a picture of Cadance and Luna… bathing… together…

1070\. Buying incendiary long-range weaponry to deal with the next bad guy who shows up is not allowed. It goes against the whole "love and tolerance" thing.

1071\. Claiming that Blue Blood's horn overcompensates for a certain part of the male anatomy is forbidden.

1072\. -Even if it's the truth and everypony finds it funny.

1073\. -Any comments about Blue Blood's _size_ is likely to result in serious bodily harm and several months of intensive care. I'm advised to not make such comments. Again.

1074\. It is no longer allowed to take away Berry Punch's booze for extended periods. After Keeping her sober for over a month she had already driven Bon Bon insane with her crazy plans to take over Canterlot and start a reign of terror the likes of which one could never believe.

1075\. I must stop doing my evil laughter during my appointments with my psychiatrist. It's causing the poor pony to breakdown and weep in fear.

1076\. Attempting to challenge a Princess to a death match is not a shortcut to power.

1077\. Twilight Sparkle's previous life was NOT Starswirl the Bearded.

1078\. -Even though the magical potential and studious tendencies seem to point to that.

1079\. Leprechauns do not exist.

1080\. As interesting as an one-to-one fight between Discord and Princess Twilight Sparkle would be, all attempts at getting the two to fight are... wait wouldn't that be like the ultimate battle between Harmony and Chaos?

1081\. -Discord and Princess Twilight Sparkle are expected to fight at least once per month in the crystal arena. Bets will be held by Spike the Dragon.

1082\. Checking out Royal Guards is not called "reconnaissance of friendly lines".

1083\. Rules aren't everything, but that doesn't mean I can break ALL of them.

1084\. I'm not allowed to challenge changelings to play hide-and-seek.

1085.I'm not allowed to play jump rope with Discord's tail.

1086\. Frozen ponies are to be send to the hospital for healing spells, not used as coat racks.

1087\. I'm required to take verbal and cognitive exams before going anywhere near the Saddle Arabia delegates.

1088\. Trying to manipulate little orphan ponies by telling them I'm their mother is strictly forbidden.

1089\. When operating a scooter I may not attempt something I saw in a cartoon.

1090\. -Especially if it's Scootaloo's scooter.

1091\. I must wear proper uniform during work.

1092\. -This means I can't wear my bondage outfit during work hours.

1093\. -My boss doesn't care if the rest of the staff says otherwise.

1094\. I'm not allowed to switch Trixie and Applejack's hats.

1095\. I'm forbidden from wearing a shiningami costume and carrying notebooks around.

1096\. -Seriously. What Celestia doesn't need right now is more ponies like Light.

1097\. It is NOT a good day to die.

1098\. The two individuals known as Sombra and Tirek are not the new co-princesses of Tartarus

1099\. I'm not allowed to wake Pennywise up.

1100\. -If I do wake him up, it'll be my responsibility to defeat him for good, no matter how many cool balloons he gives me.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**


	2. 1101 - 1200

1101\. I cannot threaten to take Rarity shopping using Celestia's credit card merely because I'm mad at her for making me write this list.

1102\. I'm to cease and desist any and all plots and or schemes I have made for the purpose of creating "an heir suitable of Discord".

1103\. -Twilight Sparkle wants to have a talk about what I did to her and Discord's coffee.

1104\. -After last week's unpleasantness, coffee is hereby banned from Twilight's castle.

1105\. I may not line the Princesses' crowns with tin foil to block out the space mind control lasers and stop the aliens from taking over the government.

1106\. There is not a secret pole dancing academy within the confines of Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns for the purposes of seducing Princess Celestia OR Princess Luna. It is wrong to tell gullible young ponies this.

1107\. "Oops" is not considered a full report on the incident that befell Appleloosa three days ago.

1108\. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near Rarity's wardrobe. She's sick of me switching her clothes with horribly colored versions.

1109\. I shouldn't eat things that are unfamiliar to me. Next time the doctor won't use anesthetics and I will not enjoy getting my stomach pumped.

1110\. I shall never, NEVER ask Granny Smith her age.

1111\. I am no longer allowed to give the standard knighting ceremony introduction speech. The Royal Guard is flooded with mentally-traumatized recruits as it is.

1112\. No matter how catchy it is, I'm not allowed to call the Night Guard "Night's Knights".

1113\. -Change in plans, Luna loved the nickname and now it is their official name.

1114\. There is no such thing as a grue.

1115\. -Only because nopony's ever lived to personally confirm it.

1116\. -I may not keep a grue as a pet.

1117\. All rumors that Applejack enjoys erotic asphyxiation are completely false.

1118\. -That includes using her rope to do it.

1119\. I'm not allowed to compare Discord to the Joker and vice-versa. It just complicates things for everypony.

1120\. I must stop making my list sounds like droll comedy based on Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett's works.

1121\. If I start a prank war, I'll be the one who'll have to clean up EVERYTHING!

1122\. The phrase "the beatings will continue until morale improves" is a joke, and even if it wasn't, I would not be in charge of administering it.

1123\. Attempts to summon monsters out of Tartarus will get me to visit them in their home environment. Indefinitely.

1124\. I'm not allowed to have dates at amusements parks. There were FOALS on that ride.

1125\. -Nopony cares if it gave them their sex ed. class ten years in advance.

1126\. It is advisable to LEARN to drive a vehicle, before claiming to be able to do so. Particularly in the case of anything that can achieve flight.

1127\. I'm prohibited from ever enacting a live rendition of the song '99 Buckets Of Oat On The Wall', or any alternate versions of said song such as '999 Buckets Of Oat On The Wall'.

1128\. The annual tradition of taking Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns graduates to egg the Castle is not only unlawful, it is immoral and several other things, and is hereby disbanded once and for all.

1129\. -And, just to be on the safe side, I may not change the tradition to take the freshmares instead.

1130\. I'm not allowed to bribe Pinkie Pie to get into a box, and give her to Twilight Sparkle for her birthday.

1131\. Me and Pun Pony cannot have an "Epic Pun Battle". Equestria is not ready.

1132\. I will not convince Discord to create the Elements of Chaos.

1133\. I'm not allowed to flood the Castle to create a giant swimming pool.

1134\. I cannot quote "if you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now" to Pinkie Pie; she gets depressed.

1135\. -Same goes for Cheese Sandwich.

1136\. Celestia is NOT trying to add to her royal harem. So I should stop telling this to impressionable young students from Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorn. Luna's still trying to calm her down after the last incident.

1137\. I shouldn't put Spike's food in a dog bowl.

1138\. I'm not allowed to donate ALL of Rarity's clothes to charity and then guilty trip her into not punishing me.

1139\. At no time may I refer to the Princesses collectively as 'my harem'.

1140\. -Same goes for the Elements of Harmony.

1141\. -And the Wonderbolts.

1142\. I'm no longer allowed to demonstrate magic by lighting books on fire.

1143\. -Especially Twilight Sparkle's books.

1144\. I cannot teach the CMC how to make homemade Napalm during Twilight Time.

1145\. -Nor any time, really.

1146\. "Comedic potential" is never a good reason.

1147\. I am not allowed to sell my soul for sweets.

1148\. - No, not even for cupcakes.

1149\. -My psychiatrist and my ex have property rights on my soul, therefore I should direct all requests to purchase it to them.

1150\. Snipe hunting is not considered a legitimate test of necessary Princess skills, and I shouldn't tell Twilight otherwise.

1151\. I cannot put Scootaloo's favorite cereal on the top shelf and tell her to "fly and get it", this is just mean.

1152\. When reminiscing about old times, Twilight's arrival to Ponyville isn't to be referred to as "The Doom that Came from Canterlot".

1153\. I am not a pony aphrodisiac.

1154\. I cannot organize a pool about next season's villains.

1155\. -Nor can I refer to Trixie as the sucker bet.

1156\. After Pun Pony makes a bad pun, I am not allowed to pat her on the head condescendingly and tell her "you'll get it next time".

1157\. Rarity shall not be referred as "Lil' Miss Rarity", she'll get the reference and she'll hurt me.

1158\. I will never have a bazooka that fires dinosaurs.

1159\. Duct tape is not a disciplinary tool.

1160\. -Nor is it the force that holds the universe together.

1161\. -No matter how much I can do with it.

1162\. Those images are historical documentation, not "Princess Porn".

1163\. -And I'm not allowed to ask Luna if she can really do that with her wings.

1164\. It is not okay to film Rainbow Dash acting out "Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone" with sock puppets and then sell it to her friends.

1165\. - And A. K. Yearling.

1166\. -And the Wonderbolts.

1167\. I am not allowed to go on the annual Wonderbolts' Beach Trip.

1168\. -Not even if I offer instruction in CPR.

1169\. When trying to persuade possible students' parents to send their foals to Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns, I am not to say their foals will learn "critical social skills and general bookworm skills".

1170\. -Even if it's true.

1171\. I'm not allowed to suggest corporal punishment for infractions by Royal Guards.

1172\. -Particularly if there is mention of videotaping said punishment.

1173\. -And selling said tapes to civilians.

1174\. -Even if the Royal Guard Support Fund is in the red and Cadance seems totally enthralled by the idea.

1175\. -I'm not allowed to offer "moral support" when Cadance decides to argue for it.

1176\. Big MacIntosh is not now nor has he ever been on stage, performing in full drag and heels. And if I show those photos to anypony, he is allowed to demonstrate on me just how hard he can really buck.

1177\. I will not get drunk commiserating with my ex about the lousy state of our respective love lives on Hearts and Hooves Day. Again.

1178\. -Nor will I mention to anypony what happened after we ran out of cider.

1179\. -Especially not my psychiatrist.

1180\. Singing the song that never ends is NOT a valid interrogation technique.

1181\. -It does not matter that it worked twice.

1182\. I'm not allowed to read Flash Sentry/Shining Armor slash fanfic in front of any of them.

1183.-All slash fanfic will be monitored by Cadance and Twilight. As per their orders all yuri fanfics involving the two of them have been banned from Equestria.

1184\. Changelings are to be captured on sight. They are not to be invited over for tea and crumpets. No exceptions.

1185\. -It doesn't matter that Chrysalis can bake delicious cupcakes! She's the enemy!

1186\. Next time the Royal Guards have a pool on the size of Shining Armor's stallionhood, I am not allowed to enlighten them.

1187\. -Nor am I allowed to send them to ask Cadance or Twilight, those mares give _way_ more details than necessary.

1188\. It is understood that if Applejack and I have an "intense night of burning passion full of sins and fleshly pleasures" without Applejack's being engaged by the next morning, I am a dead pony because the whole Apple Family will come after me.

1189\. -She must be engaged to me, by the way.

1190\. The Death Note is not mine neither is it a toy. I shall dispose of it immediately.

1191\. -I may not write Discord's name on the Death Note to "see what happens".

1192\. -Nor may I write the names of Celestia and Luna just to buck with the system.

1193\. Rule 1193 does not exist. Any hints to the contrary are merely figments of your imagination, and should be reported to the Princesses.

1194\. -Anypony reporting the potential existence of Rule 1193 to the Princesses is to be banished immediately.

1195\. -Anypony lower-ranking than a Princess who has read the previous part is to report to the Princesses to be banished immediately.

1196\. -Anypony who fails to report to the Princess for banishment is to be seized and banished immediately.

1197\. -Anypony who comments on the inherently flawed logic of this rule can go buck themselves, after which the Princess will immediately banish them.

1198\. Ignore rules 1193 to 1197.

1199\. Closets are not for illicit smooches.

1200\. I'm not allowed to say "the movie was better than the book" when Twilight Sparkle is within earshot.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

TheJokerman95: First, thanks for suggesting rules 1119 and 1120. Second, Pennywise is a cool clown and we became buddies last time he was awake, so yeah, really.


	3. 1201 - 1300

1201\. I'm not allowed to use Celestia's bedroom to hide from the Royal Guards that are after me.

1202\. -Luna's bedroom is also out.

1203\. -I may not make pony sacrifices to escape the Royal Guards.

1204\. Due to the increasing numbers of my visits to the hospital, I'm no longer allowed to ask Twilight Sparkle if she has ever had a threesome with Big MacIntosh and Smarty Pants.

1205\. I don't have the authority to send the Royal Guard on beer runs.

1206\. I'm not allowed to introduce Princess Twilight to fortune cookies and bewitch every fortune to say 'beware the pony in the neon yellow dress with sparkles'.

1207\. -I'm not allowed to get everypony to dress in neon yellow dresses with sparkles just to freak Twilight out.

1208\. "Defying my will" is not a crime that will send somepony to the moon, and I shouldn't tell the foals that it is.

1209\. Do not dare Maud to eat rocks. She always do it.

1210\. I am not allowed to have girly sleepovers at Sweet Apple Acres, complete with facemasks and hoof polish.

1211\. -Big Mac and I are not allowed to bake delicious apple treats and refuse to share them with Applejack unless she join us. That's blackmail.

1212\. It's a bad idea to post Prince Blueblood's foal pictures on the newspaper.

1213\. -Or the pictures of him in drag.

1214\. -_Especially_ the pictures of him in drag.

1215\. I'm not the High Priestess of Discord.

1216\. -Pinkie and Cheese are not the Cardinals.

1217\. -Twilight is not the Pope of Discord.

1218\. -Even if she was chosen during the Papal Conclave.

1219\. I'm not allowed to wear the same clothe for more than four days in a row.

1220\. NEVER interrupt Celestia mid-song, or be prepared to take some very long vacations on the Moon.

1221\. I'm not allowed to tell all of the crystal ponies that Cadance left Shining Armor, and that she's now looking for a new special somepony.

1222\. Blueblood is Celestia's nephew, not her illegitimate lovefoal.

1223\. -He's not Luna's illegitimate lovefoal either.

1224\. I'm not allowed to tell Granny Smith that I'm married to both Big Mac and AJ, and in an off and on relationship with Braeburn.

1225\. Yes, Flim and Flam have apple-related cutie marks. No, Flim and Flam are not the rotten apples of the Apple Family.

1226\. I'm not allowed to read all of Twilight Sparkle's secret clopfic collection without her permission.

1227\. I'm not allowed to tell Cadance that Shining Armor is gay, and that he and Flash Sentry are secretly "doing things".

1228\. I'm not allowed to tell Fluttershy that Rainbow Dash "finally came out" and thinks she's hot. Fluttershy is still panicking.

1229\. I may not spray the diamond dogs with a hose and then complain that they smell like "wet dog".

1230\. -Water balloons change nothing.

1231\. I must stop spreading rumors about an illicit love affair between Celestia and Twilight.

1232\. -No, this doesn't give "see you after class" a whole new meaning.

1233\. I'm not allowed to swap Rarity's expensive shampoo with green hair dye.

1234\. I may not loudly and publicly, thank the spa ponies for 'that amazing, sensual massage last night'.

1235\. I'm not allowed to take pictures of Big MacIntosh showering and then sell them to the female population of Ponyville.

1236\. Griffons won't fight for Harmony, friendship and the pony way.

1237\. I won't encourage Fluttershy to make friends with the timber wolves.

1238\. I shouldn't convince Twilight that all the books in the library have been stolen and that it is closing down.

1239\. I'm not allowed to call Rarity "mommy".

1240\. I'm not allowed to slip used condoms on Shining Armor and Cadance's bed before they come up to do grownup stuff.

1241\. I'm not allowed to drawn faces on dozens of pears just to throw them at Applejack's _supposedly_ evil army of apples.

1242\. Maud, Pinkie and I cannot set Boulder on a blind date with Rocky, everypony knows that Tom is his one true love.

1243\. I'm not allowed to invite Tirek over for a sleepover.

1244\. -I'm not allowed to invite Tirek over at all.

1245\. Rainbow Dash and I are not allowed to play Truth or Dare together. We're lucky that both of us survived after last time.

1246\. I'm not allowed to tell my psychiatrist a sob story of how I'm so confused because I'm in love with everypony in the Apple Family at the same time.

1247\. -Then confess my undying love to a regular apple.

1248\. I'm not allowed to use Rarity's silk scarves as cleaning rags.

1249\. -None of Rarity's clothes are cleaning rags.

1250\. I'm not allowed to tell everypony to ask Celestia if she's pregnant.

1251\. -Even if she is, all thanks to her affair with Discord.

1252\. -Celestia is not having an affair with Discord.

1253\. -None that I can prove, anyway.

1254\. No running, jumping or cartwheels with scissors.

1255\. Making Prince Blueblood uncomfortable is not only accepted, but encouraged. I shall ask him if I can play with his horn more often.

1256\. I'm not allowed to complain that Twilight's horn is bigger than mine.

1257\. -I'm not allowed to complain about anypony's horn being bigger than mine.

1258\. I may not fill Photo Finish's camera up with pictures of myself in sexy poses.

1259\. -I may not touch Photo Finish's camera AT ALL.

1260\. Jump in a swimming pool while wearing Rarity's newest dress masterpiece is an easy way to shorten one's lifespan.

1261\. I shouldn't stare at either Celestia's flank, horn, wings or lips when in a very important meeting.

1262\. "My Little Dashie" is not Rainbow Dash's biography.

1263\. "Rules were made to be broken" doesn't apply to this list.

1264\. I'm not allowed to defeat Flash Sentry's seven evil exes so he can finally date Twilight Sparkle.

1265\. I may not lure Cerberus away from the gates of Tartarus in order to summon legions of evil minions for the purposes of taking over Equestria.

1266\. Trixie is not a "witch with capital 'B'".

1267\. I'm not allowed to say "it's show time" whenever somepony says my name three times.

1268\. I may not convince the pegasi to cause a blizzard in the middle of summer.

1269\. I did not have my sanity surgically removed.

1270\. -Nor magically removed.

1271\. -I was never sane to begin with.

1272\. The Elements of Harmony are not "Celestia's Angels".

1273\. Equestria is a monarchy. I shouldn't try to change this.

1274\. -Pinkie, Discord and I may not run around Canterlot shouting about anarchism.

1275\. -Luna and I may not run around Canterlot shouting about republicanism.

1276\. -I cannot be an anarchist and a republican at the same time.

1277\. I shouldn't yell "that's not a REAL vampire; REAL vampires sparkle!" whenever I watch a vampire movie.

1278\. I'm not allowed to tell everypony that I slept with all the Wonderbolts.

1279\. -Then use pie to have Soarin back it up.

1280\. Spike is not twenty percent worthier of the Element of Loyalty than Rainbow Dash will ever be.

1281\. I shouldn't tell Celestia that she should slake of on the cake and that it is making her a bit round in the flank.

1282\. Flash Sentry doesn't want to "flash" my "sentry".

1283\. I may not create an Evil League of Evil.

1284\. -Nor a Good League of Evil.

1285\. -I may, however, create an Evil League of Good.

1286\. I shouldn't tell the Royal Guard that they have been challenged by the Knights Who Say Neigh.

1287\. I am not allowed to give Discord items that are meant to boost his Chaos powers.

1288\. -This means the emeralds have to go.

1289\. -And the red echidna. Can't forget that thing.

1290\. I am not allowed to create a petition so Luna can raise the sun. To do so is considered high treason.

1291\. -Even if it would be only once.

1292\. Rainbow Dash does not appreciate being sat on and told she is 'comfy'.

1293\. I cannot enter Princess Twilight Sparkle in a dance competition

1294\. Gum in not to be put on the Crystal Throne.

1295\. -Nor the Crystal Heart.

1296\. -Nor a crystal flugelhorn.

1297\. -Nor Princess Cadance's crown.

1298\. -Gum is banned from the Crystal Empire.

1299\. I may not keep a running tally of how many times I've been sent to the Castle's dungeons vs. how many times I've been sent Ponyville Hospital's insanity ward.

1300\. -Nor may I take bets on which column will break 100 first.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

SmarterThanArty: Thanks for rules 1250 and 1251! I couldn't use the Pinkie Pie and coffee suggestion because it goes against a rule in the original list.

Thanatos's Scribe: Thanks for rules 1287, 1289, 1290 and 1291. Sorry, couldn't use the McDonald's one, we don't have an Equestrian equivalent.

Luminescence: Thanks for correcting my mistakes!


	4. 1301 - 1400

1301\. I'm not allowed to ever tell foals that the scariest thing one can find in Equestria is Prince Blueblood without makeup.

1302\. -I'm not allowed to steal Blueblood's makeup to prove my point. The foals still have nightmares.

1303\. Any idea Discord has is a bad idea, no matter how much fun I think it would be.

1304\. I will not join the SOS Brigade. I already cause enough problems without their help.

1305\. I am not allowed to take over Equestria on the behalf of Chrysalis.

1306\. -It doesn't matter that she promised me all the cupcakes I want.

1307\. I am not allowed to wear my "hug a changeling" shirt.

1308\. -It gives Cadance the creeps.

1309\. -It makes others worry about my sanity.

1310\. I will not have Fluttershy wear a "Team Rarity" shirt.

1311\. -Nor a "Team Twilight Sparkle" shirt.

1312\. -Spike, however, is willing to wear both shirts.

1313\. Introducing Celestia to fanfics was a bad idea. Now she won't do her duties, and Twilight and Luna started a civil war to determine who's in charge of raising the Sun.

1314\. I'm not allowed to break every single rule while the Princesses are too busy to scold me.

1315\. If the spa ponies ask who is prettier, NEVER answer. I still smell like perfume and cucumber.

1316\. I'm not allowed to tell everypony that Applejack has an eating disorder, and then force her to eat a pear in front of everypony and then say "told you!" when she throws up.

1317\. I'm not allowed to replace all of the Royal Guard's uniforms with thongs.

1318\. -I may not tell them that thongs are the new uniforms

1319\. Magic potions components are not snacks.

1320\. Flash Sentry and I cannot go on dates together. Both Twilight Sparkle and my ex get jealous and try and get us jealous by going on a date together, then we get jealous and go on another date and this can go on for weeks.

1321\. Apple Bloom special talent is not being a late bloomer.

1322\. I shouldn't dye my mane rainbow and go out with Rainbow Dash telling everypony we're twins.

1323\. -Even if she likes the idea.

1324\. -This goes double if Pinkie Pie decides to join us.

1325\. Only experienced weatherponies are allowed to control the weather.

1326\. -I am not an experienced weatherpony.

1327\. -Even if Dashie gave me lessons.

1328\. -Especially if Dashie gave me lessons

1329\. -Rainbow Dash is an experienced weatherpony but not an experienced teacher.

1330\. I am no longer allowed to sneak up behind Twilight and say "are you my mummy?"

1331\. I will not eat the last muffin.

1332\. -Derpy always has dibs on the last muffin.

1333\. -Always.

1334\. I am not allowed to go back in time and tell my past self about Discord and Luna and how to annoy them. I'll become twice the nightmare I currently am.

1335\. If the body switching spell put me in Big MacIntosh's body, I will not check out the goodies.

1336\. -The same goes for Braeburn.

1337\. -Even though he doesn't mind, really.

1338\. -Actually, he encourages it.

1339\. Zebras are not striped ponies.

1340\. -I shouldn't call Zecora "Ms. Stripey Pants".

1341\. I'm not allowed to send letters in the middle of the night asking ponies to bail me out.

1342\. I must never drive the balloon.

1343\. -Even in an emergency.

1344\. -_Especially _in an emergency.

1345\. We do not keep Angel in a tiger cage and only bring him out "when necessary".

1346\. I shouldn't go to the market and buy butter, bananas and a box of tissues, ponies will get the wrong idea.

1347\. I shouldn't wake Shining Armor up by saying, "honey, the foal's crying"

1348\. -I shouldn't convince Cadance to do that either.

1349\. I may not tell anypony about what Cheerilee and Big MacIntosh did under the effects of the love potion before the CMC caught up with them.

1350\. -Nor may I ever ask Cheerilee where she learned the reverse cowpony position.

1351\. Doors are locked for a reason

1352\. -Celestia does not appreciate me kicking down her bedroom door in the middle of the night insisting for her to play Ocarina of Time with me and Luna.

1353\. -Luna doing the kicking changes nothing.

1354\. I will not call Spike "one of the girls".

1355\. -Even if he is.

1356\. I am not allowed to show pictures of ponies I'd like the changelings to turn into.

1357\. I am not allowed to encourage Twilight to lick things for scientific purposes.

1358\. My favorite thing at Sugarcube Corner is NOT Pinkie Pie's hot buns.

1359\. Diamond dogs don't do it "doggy style".

1360\. -I shall not ask the diamonds dogs the difference between "doggy style" and "diamond doggy style".

1361\. I may not ask Princess Luna to marry me in the middle of Nightmare Night and then loudly and graphically tell everypony about our daring sexual escapades.

1362\. -Especially because I got the details wrong and Luna had to correct me, traumatizing a lot of foals for the rest of their lives.

1363\. -Also because my ex got jealous and almost committed first degree murder.

1364\. I'm not allowed to give puppies to Twilight and then claim that they are Spike's babies.

1365\. Yes, Rainbow _Dash_ doesdash off. No, Apple_jack_ doesn't jack off.

1366\. I'm not allowed to drawn dirty images on Twilight's books, Rainbow Dash's books and my own books and then blame Spike.

1367\. I am not allowed to use sexual innuendos near Rainbow Dash.

1368\. -Rainbow Dash will get ideas.

1369\. -Rainbow Dash will give me ideas.

1370\. -Twilight Sparkle will get very mad at the results of our ideas.

1371\. Rainbow Dash and I are hereby forbidden to engage in kissing contests.

1372\. -Rewritten: Rainbow Dash and I are hereby forbidden to engage in wet mane contests unless held in and closely supervised by the male population of Ponyville.

1373\. -The female population can watch too.

1374\. Princess Cadance and Shining Armor don't wish to have a threesome.

1375\. Navi is officially banned from Equestria.

1376\. -The words "Hey! Listen!" shall not be said for the next few months. Anypony who breaks this rule will spend the next two thousand years on the Moon. No wonder that blond colt was so happy to get rid of her.

1377\. I may not attempt to cure homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality or asexuality by having sex with the "patient".

1378\. Do not make bikinis out of Rarity's supplies.

1379\. Releasing a vampire fruit bat into Rarity's shop is considered a death wish for the bat and myself.

1380\. Pokémon Master is not a real job, and I shouldn't tell the Cutie Mark Crusaders otherwise.

1381\. -Nor is "Poison Joke Cultivator".

1382\. -Or fanfic writer.

1383\. -I shall never even think about an Abridged Series mark.

1384\. -I am refrained from giving the CMC suggestions indefinitely.

1385\. -"Talking to myself" in a place they "happened to overhear" is not a viable excuse.

1386\. For the sake of preserving a vital resource of Equestria it is no longer permitted to set up Berry Punch and Pinkie Pie together on blind dates; last time they nearly cleaned out every form of cider in Equestria.

1387\. I'm not allowed to chase Opal around and then claim that I'm after Rarity's pussy.

1388\. I may not put hair remover in Rarity's shampoo if I value my life.

1389\. I shall not draw on ponies' face while they're sleeping.

1390\. I will not teach the Cutie Mark Crusaders how to make a portal gun.

1391\. -Nor Pinkie, she doesn't need it.

1392\. I'm not allowed to organize a school trip to the Temple of Doom.

1393\. -I shall not refer to Scootaloo as "Short Round".

1394\. -I'm not allowed to join the evil cult and force the foals into slavery.

1395\. -The stones are powerful artifacts, not toys; therefore I won't juggle with them.

1396\. -The next school trip cannot be to the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

1397\. I am not allowed to bet Equestria in a impersonation contest against Chrysalis.

1398\. -It doesn't matter that I won. I won't do it again.

1399\. I am no longer allowed to do trade my sex tapes at the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange.

1400\. -No buying. No selling. No giving away copies.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

dragonflyz: Thanks for rules 1388, 1389 and 1390! They're great!

Thanatos's Scribe: Thanks for rules 1375, 1379, 1380, 1381 and 1384. I had to change some things, hope you don't mind!

BackBecky: Thanks for the suggestions, but ponies sing out of nowhere all the time, even the Princess do it (I do it too, actually…). So, sorry, but I can't use your suggestions.


	5. 1401 - 1500

1401\. I will not use sexual innuendos around Celestia.

1402\. -It makes her think naughty things and we don't need that.

1403\. -Everypony knows Celestia is not allowed to have a sex drive.

1404\. -It's simply not possible.

1405\. -She's _way_ too old for such things.

1406\. -Even though she's still incredibly sexy.

1407\. -This also applies to Discord.

1408\. -But not for Luna, as she is the youngest one.

1409\. Telling ponies that happiness is mandatory and then asking if they are happy does not present a harmonious image of the Equestrian society as a whole.

1410\. I am not allowed to reroute my music through Ponyville's sound system.

1411\. -Especially if I intend to use it as an alarm clock.

1412\. -Not everypony appreciates waking up to Disneigh.

1413\. I'm not allowed to compete against Fluttershy for the spot of Discord's favorite pony.

1414\. -It doesn't matter that with me he can have both chaos _and_ friendship.

1415\. -I can't drag Celestia, Twilight and Pinkie Pie into the competition as well.

1416\. -I won't use the competition as an excuse to develop a romantic subplot between Discord and one of the contestants.

1417\. -Nor a romantic subplot between two contestants.

1418\. Molest Fest is not an official holyday and never will be.

1419\. -It doesn't matter that it's the most touching event of the year.

1420\. Luna, Sombra and Discord are not to be referred to as the "Problematic LSD".

1421\. -Luna and Discord are good now, so the name is no longer valid.

1422\. It's King _Sombra_, not King Sombrero.

1423\. -I won't make him wear a sombrero.

1424\. -No matter how funny it would be.

1425\. Blueblood won't change his name to Blueballs.

1426\. -No, it's not more appropriate that way.

1427\. No sexual innuendos around Fluttershy, she doesn't understand them.

1428\. -No, not even if I teach her.

1429\. I'm not allowed to teach Fluttershy about sexual innuendos.

1430\. I am not allowed to watch horror movies alone. I get too scared and last time Twilight had to check in my closet and under my bed for three weeks strait.

1431\. -Actually, it was just four days.

1432\. -My definition of a day is wildly different from Twilight's.

1433\. I'm not allowed to bring cute changeling dates into Ponyville.

1434\. -Rainbow Dash will probably steal them away from me.

1435\. -And Pinkie Pie will get jealous because Rainbow Dash is not spending more time with her.

1436\. -Twilight will blame me for it and I'll be punished.

1437\. -Changelings aren't allowed in Ponyville, anyway.

1438\. -And I can't be sure that they're completely correct down there.

1439\. If Discord dares me to press a big red button, I should NOT do it.

1440\. -There's no excuse for blowing up Baltimare on a dare.

1441\. Yes, Equestria doesn't have a Queen. No, I can't be the new Queen.

1442\. I can't date the three Chimera sisters at the same time. I must choose one.

1443\. -I can't choose based on who control the "good parts".

1444\. A female diamond dog is not a diamond bitch.

1445\. I can't create the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness.

1446\. -L. O. V. E. M. U. F. F. I. N. is a silly name, anyway.

1447\. -And only Chrysalis likes the idea.

1448\. I won't go on an epic quest to find Spike's parents.

1449\. -And I also won't drag Spike along.

1450\. I won't claim that Pony Rangers are better than Power Ponies when Spike is within earshot.

1451\. -It doesn't matter that it is true, I just started a fandom war.

1452\. -Somehow Celestia and Luna entered the fandom war. It has to stop before Discords decides to take a side.

1453\. I will not do the following things with randomly moving puddles of blue ooze: set it on fire; urinate on it; fill it into jars; freeze it and sculpt into vaguely phallic objects; eat it; feed it to Spike; or throw it on the Mirror Pond.

1454\. Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and I are not judges on what's funny and what's not.

1455\. -Pinkie Pie is, though.

1456\. I will not randomly propose to ponies I've never seen before just so my ex will pay attention to me.

1457\. -For the record: it was just one time and I was drunk.

1458\. When fighting an unstoppable being who is leaving a path of destruction through Equestria, reports are not to be along the lines of "the Deathsaurus is continuing to advance".

1459\. -Unless, of course, the enemy is really the Deathsaurus.

1460\. I'm forbidden from ever doing experiments on Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, changelings or Discord.

1461\. -And no, I can't steal scientists' research notes about it.

1462\. -Nor can I kidnap one of the scientists to "ask" about it.

1463\. Killing ponies is forbidden. Celestia doesn't care they were hitting on my ex and I got jealous.

1464\. -Maiming them, however, is not forbidden! YAY!

1465\. -Now it is. Awww…

1466\. I'm not allowed to declare a pie fight at 20 paces... and cheat…

1467\. I should not assume that "Plan B" means "Run like Heck!"

1468\. -It does not matter that I am usually right.

1469\. I am not to play hoof wrestle with Rainbow Dash.

1470\. -I am especially not allowed to do victory dances when I win.

1471\. -Nor loser dances when I lose.

1472\. I may not change my mind on what I want to buy when shopping with Rarity.

1473\. I will not put hundreds of pears in Applejack's room.

1474\. -"She left the window open" is not an excuse.

1475\. Harshwhinny does not have a sense of humor. Any joke made around her is done at my own risk.

1476\. I'm not allowed to play "Nightmare Night" when Princess Luna first arrives on said night. She gets depressed from the bad memories.

1477\. -Same with Discord and "Discord". But for different reasons, as he gets nostalgic and starts to spread chaos again and then Fluttershy gets sad and Discord also gets sad and everypony else gets mixed feelings and I end up in the Castle's Dungeons for starting all of this.

1478\. Will. Not. Joke. About. Twilight's. Floppy. Horn.

1470\. Playing the "Sun's Song" on an enchanted ocarina is considered high treason, and will result in banishment to the Sun. Seriously, Celestia and Luna were freaking out before finding out it was just me with an ocarina.

1480\. No breaking the fourth wall. That's Pinkie's job.

1481\. The Crystal Heart is not meant to be used as an artificial food source for changelings.

1482\. -Nor Heartless.

1483\. -I cannot have a pet Heartless.

1484\. I'm not allowed to "play you the song of my people" during wee hours.

1485\. I cannot tell Celestia that Tirek has escaped from Tartarus again for the sole purpose of having her hair standing still long enough for me to braid it.

1486\. -I cannot use this to call in the CMC and have them attempt to get their cutie marks in "braiding an immortal monarch's never still hair when it is still". Everypony, and I do mean everypony, is emotionally scarred from the last time this happened. Celestia's hair stood up for weeks on end.

1487\. I won't try and create a seventh Element of Harmony.

1488\. -Sex appeal, fan service, sexposition and bondage are not valid Elements.

1489\. If I find another dimension, I may not claim it as my personal kingdom.

1490\. -Even if it actually is.

1491\. I'm not allowed to write romantic fanfiction about the Princess, as Celestia will turn me into stone and banish me to the Moon.

1492\. I will not walk into Rarity's room with several water balloons and proceed to throw them. Again.

1493\. I will not go into Twilight's house and begin to yell and scream "OH NO, NOT THE ROPE, TWILIGHT!" for all to hear.

1494\. Twilight Sparkle and I are not allowed to have magic duels anymore. Equestria is almost bankrupt thanks to all the repairs that are needed.

1495\. I'm advised not to fight under the effects of supposedly combat-enhancing spells. The only thing they enhance is my ability to end up in the hospital.

1496\. I'm no longer allowed to talk about any of my "adventures" when foals are within earshot.

1497\. I will stop sending lists of idiotic laws that are no longer enforced to Luna. She keeps trying to obey them whenever she is outside the Castle and makes a colossal foal of herself in the process.

1498\. -Yes, this is specifically because of last Nightmare Night incident.

1499\. Discord doesn't come from Discworld.

1500\. -Nopony comes from Discworld.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

Thanatos's Scribe: Thanks for rules 1476, 1477, 1479, 1480, 1481 and 1483. I changed the "Song of Time" to "Sun's Song" because it is funnier to see Celestia and Luna freaking out about losing control over day and night.

SmarterThanArty: Thanks for rules 1485 and 1486. Glad you liked the portal joke.

Reese's Pieces: Thanks for rules 1492 and 1493. But I think I already used the movie one. BTW, I changed "Fluttershy" to "Twilight" because it's Twi's house, not Fluttershy's.

BackBecky: Thanks for the suggestions, but I won't be using them, as Screwball is not all that famous and I can't decide whether to use "Screw Loose" or "Screwy".

Order of the Brony: Thanks for rules 1480, 1490 and 1491.


	6. 1501 - 1600

1501\. I'm not allowed to visit my crazy friends from another universe. Especially if I plan on sharing this list with them.

1502\. -If the Princesses didn't want a certain bunch of crazies from another universe here, they shouldn't have forbidden me from visiting them, because now I have to bring them to our universe in order to follow the stupid rule and still see my friends.

1503\. -Imust NEVER invite my friends from another universe to a "paintball-water-pie-food-fight" throughout Equestria again. Seriously, last time I had to stop some clown from prank calling the Princesses while impersonating Discord, a task that I failed to complete and Discord and I ended up in big trouble because of it.

1504\. No karaoke nights.

1505\. -Celestia does not care that I want to serenade her.

1506\. If Pinkie's mane is straight, I am not to offer to help her making some cupcakes

1507\. -If I do it anyway, it'll be at my own risk.

1508\. -We cannot call Dashie to make cupcakes with us, she is still traumatized.

1509\. I'm not allowed to visit Sunny Town.

1510\. -And I'm also not allowed to bring Apple Bloom with me.

1511\. I will stop Dr. House would be very thankful if I stopped engaging in snarky battles against him. He really has better things to do than paying attention to a foalish pony who blames everything on lupus.

1512\. -Even if I was right about being lupus that one time.

1513\. Do not anger Fluttershy. EVER. I don't know what Rainbow Dash said, or what she did, but she just sat in a corner, rocking back and forth, and repeating "I'm sorry," over and over again during five hours after that.

1514\. I will not make two cockatrices have a staring contest.

1515\. Rhinoceros are not what happens when a dragon and an unicorn really love each other.

1516\. -And I won't tell Spike otherwise.

1517\. No matter how awesome a crossover between the two would be; I. Won't. Kidnap. Daring. Do. And. Harry. Trotter. Again.

1518\. I'm not allowed to use an invisible spell to spy ponies during their grownup time.

1519\. -Nor during any time, really.

1520\. -Nopony cares that it cheaper than renting a movie and I'm short on money.

1521\. The correct term is EARTH ponies, not: mud ponies, dirty ponies, lame ponies, rock-brained ponies, or the not-horny not-winged ponies.

1522\. I can't have a companion cube. End of story.

1523\. My Death Note shall be returned to its shinigami.

1524\. -Thanks to the fact that I accidentally killed the shinigami, my Death Note will be burned and the ashes will be sealed in the Moon, Tartarus and Sunny Town.

1525\. I'm not allowed to call Discord "Q". Celestia doesn't like the show.

1526\. -Even though she agree that they are indeed very similar.

1527\. "Cupcakes" is only a legend and I shouldn't use it to scare Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Even if they DO deserve it.

1528\. -"Cheerilee's Garden" is not to be used to scare the students.

1529\. -I will not use "Sweet Apple Massacre" to scare the CMC.

1530\. -Nor "Rainbow Factory" to scare Scootaloo specifically.

1531\. -Or "Story of the Blanks" to scare Apple Bloom.

1532\. -I'm not allowed to play "Luna's Game" with Luna.

1533\. -I will not bribe the depicted ponies to help me back them up.

1534\. -Creepypastas are never allowed in Equestria again.

1535\. I won't claim in Celestia's face that the Health Care program is much more effective than any political decision she has ever come up with.

1536\. I will not make Pinkie sad just so her mane gets straight long enough for me to style it.

1537\. Zecora doesn't have the Majora Mask and I'll stop asking about it.

1538\. I am no longer allowed to play Chaotic, and I'm ESPECIALLY not allowed to port to the actual Chaotic location. Last time I was there I caused a riot since everypony else thought I was some rare creature from Perim and tried to scan me.

1539\. -Also because my status managed to be extremely overpowered and extremely weak at the same time. Some players are still trying to figure that one out.

1540\. Big Mac is not a burger.

1541\. I will not have a drink every time I hear a pun. I don't have the money to buy all that alcohol.

1542\. -Also because I'll enter a coma before half an hour of this.

1543\. -And I'll have the most epic hangover of all time when I wake up.

1544\. The purpose of laundry duty is to provide clean clothes, not to give me the opportunity to rate everypony's choice of intimate apparel.

1545\. I won't create a mirror pond clone of myself.

1546\. -It doesn't matter that I will never find somepony as sexy as me.

1547\. -I'm not allowed to say "my own clone! Now neither of us will be virgins!" ever again.

1548\. -No, having a clone does not give "buck you" a whole new meaning.

1549\. Discord does not want a hug.

1550\. -Unless it's from Fluttershy.

1551\. I'm not an oompa loompa.

1552\. -The Crusaders are not oompa loompas either.

1553\. -The CMC and I cannot burst into song whenever somepony gets screwed thanks to their own stupidity.

1554\. -Scootaloompa is terrible nickname, anyway.

1555\. Pinkie Pie is not the Equestrian version of Haruhi Suzumiya.

1556\. -Twilight Sparkle is not Yuki Nagato, even though they're both bookworms.

1557\. -Despite sharing the moe status, Fluttershy is not Mikuru.

1558\. -Rainbow Dash is not sufficiently snarky to be Kyon.

1559\. -And Spike is not enough of an apple-polisher to be Itsuki.

1560\. I'm not allowed to loudly tell everypony whenever Rarity gets a new lingerie.

1561\. -I'm also not allowed to explain how it looks, the size, the colors and my opinions of it.

1562\. I will not give surprise hugs when ponies are holding hot mugs.

1563\. Any mentions of the planet Uranus in Royal Guard Meetings is hereby forbidden. Apparently the Guards just aren't mature enough for it.

1564\. -I'm also not mature enough for it, so I'll stop looking at the Royal Guards with a disappointed face.

1565\. I am not allowed to use the train's emergency break, unless there is an actual emergency.

1566\. -Wanting a cupcake is not an emergency.

1567\. -Dance break doesn't count as an emergency break.

1568\. I will not befriend the crazy smiling clown with green mane and help him defeat the pony wearing a bat costume.

1569\. -I won't introduce Discord to the clown, as nothing good can come out of this.

1570\. -I will also not ask how was I supposed to know that the happy clown is the bad one and the dark knight is the good one.

1571\. I'm not allowed to tell Fluttershy that her animals are actually spies working for the government and that they are out to get her.

1572\. -It doesn't matter that it was funny, I almost destroyed all the trust the trained animal spies working for the government worked hard to gain.

1573\. Anything labeled Flutterdash, Flutterpie, Twishy, Rarishy or similar, is to be sent to Discord immediately. Fluttershy will freak out if she finds out that she's being shipped with her friends.

1574\. Using an invisible spell in order to whisper homoerotic sentences into the ears of confused ponies is forbidden.

1575\. Yes, the Royal Guards are either grey or white. No, the Royal Guards are not color-coded for my convenience.

1576\. I will not accidentally on purpose take Princess Luna to a convention. Luna just can't take all the fanponies at once.

1577\. I won't use the word "love" around foals; apparently I think "love" is more physical than a foal should think.

1578\. Celestia doesn't care how GLaDos got in here, nor why she is here. But I really, really should get rid of her.

1570\. -There will be cake.

1580\. -The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie.

1581\. -But pi is always true!

1582\. -I'm advised that prolonged exposure to GLaDos has psychoactive side effects. Side effects may include: anxiety about a "companion cube", schizophrenia, and a strange fascination with cake.

1583\. "My! Parents! Are! Dead!" is not a good excuse.

1584\. -"My! Parents! Are! Alive!" is not better.

1585\. I'm not allowed to "Pinkie Promise to break this Pinkie Promise". Pinkie Pie is still banging her head against a wall trying to figure out what to do.

1586\. I won't pester Braeburn and Silverstar about what happened at Brokeback Mountain.

1587\. I won't ask the doctors at Ponyville Hospital to play doctor with me.

1588\. I will stay out of Fluttershy's shed.

1589\. Twilight Sparkle is not a "pretty, pretty pegasus". She's not even a pegasus to begin with.

1590\. -Twilight would like me to stop calling her "Sparkleface".

1591\. When talking about my "all night long intercourse with the Princesses", I must clarify that I mean "interpersonal communication" and not "sex".

1592\. I'm not allowed to tell Spike that he's in Rarity's friend zone.

1593\. Diamond Tiara is not the most evil creature in all of Equestria. That spot belongs to Angel Bunny.

1594\. I won't put zap apple jam on my mane just so I look like Rainbow Dash.

1595\. -And I won't convince Scootaloo to do the same.

1596\. Angel Bunny is not the rabbit of Caerbannog.

1597\. -I won't throw the Holly Hoof Grenade of Antioch at him.

1598\. -It doesn't matter that Angel is keeping me from concluding my quest to find the Holy Grail.

1599\. I'm not allowed to yell at Cheerilee for letting students bully Apple Bloom and her friends on a regular basis.

1500\. Angel is not a vampire and he doesn't have his own series.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

TheJokerman95: Thanks for rule 1503. Sorry, couldn't use the Death Note suggestions, it might take a while before I manage to trick another shinigami into giving me a Death Note.

dragonflyz: Thanks for rule 1540.

Order of the Bronies: Thanks for rules 1525, 1526, 1527, 1530, 1534 and 1545.

Thanatos's Scribe: Thanks for rule 1538. I didn't use the others (however the Zecora one inspired me to do rule 1537) because they're too specific, when I do a reference is normally to a famous franchise or one with a considerable fanbase. Now for your question: how do I look? Well, I'm thinking about doing a short chapter at the end of this fic that will have a description of me, my ex and my psychiatrist, along with some more information, like our past and families. But if you get too anxious you can just tell me and I'll put it at the end of the first list. How does that sound?


	7. 1601 - 1700

1601\. Always have a banana handy.

1602\. -There are so many things wrong with that statement and I'm not allowed to comment on any of them.

1603\. -Bananas are good I like bananas.

1604\. I'm not allowed to practice yoga in the Crystal Castle.

1605\. -Cadance will want lessons.

1606\. -And Shining Armor will get ideas.

1607\. I will not try using psychiatric methods to tweak Pinkie's behavior.

1608\. I will not answer a question with a question.

1609\. -Unless it's called for.

1610\. Ice cream is now banned from Princess Twilight's Castle.

1611\. -Wait… What?!

1612\. -Putting aphrodisiacs on Spike's ice cream was a stupid idea.

1613\. -It doesn't matter that I was going to eat that ice cream.

1614\. -If Spike and I want ice cream, we will have to eat elsewhere or run the risk of being teleported to the Castle's Dungeons until we learn our lesson.

1615\. Spike and I will not discuss if Zapp should date Saddle Rager or Fili-Second.

1616\. -Zapp is already dating Mistress Mare-velous in cannon, anyway.

1617\. -Even if all the fans agree that Mistress Mare-velous and Radiance make a much better pairing.

1618\. -Spike and I will not start a ship war. It took Twilight three weeks before she could finally end our last one.

1619\. I will not get depressed about the results of my IQ test.

1620\. -And I will not laugh at Rainbow Dash for getting a score lower than mine. She refuses to believe that was an accurate test.

1621\. I am not allowed to go to a standup comedy club to perform.

1622\. I am not allowed to tattoo my name on ponies that passed out drunk.

1623\. I'm to stop playing baseball with myself. I'm not fast enough to catch the ball when throwing it across the Castle.

1624\. -Teleporting is cheating.

1625\. Stupid questions will get stupid answers.

1626\. There's no such thing as a "sevensome."

1627\. -The Elements of Harmony plus Spike are not my "one true sevensome."

1628\. I'm not allowed to have an "one true orgy" where I ship everypony with everypony.

1629\. I'm not allowed to declare the Royal Guard my harem.

1630\. -Even if they don't mind, really.

1631\. -Their spouses do, so I better stop.

1632\. I'm not allowed to create a time loop.

1633\. -Especially not if it means meeting my special somepony again and again.

1634\. -You all know what would happen next.

1635\. Unless I have the proper licenses and clearances, I cannot attempt to go on an underwater journey to look for mermares and seaponies.

1636\. -And definitely not if the real reason for going involves romance.

1637\. -I cannot keep one in a fish tank. They're sentient creatures, not pets.

1638\. A musical about my life is not a valid suggestion for the school play.

1639\. -It doesn't matter that the foals love it. Their guardians will kill Cheerilee if she let us do it.

1640\. Rule number 1641 is a complete lie.

1641\. Rule number 1640 is absolutely true.

1642\. I'm not allowed to share my medication with Pinkie Pie, it only makes her worse.

1643\. I must never tell anypony about the date between Princess Luna and Batstallion.

1644\. -That's right: Princess Luna and Batstallion. Let it sink in for a while.

1645\. -I also won't tell about Celestia and Nightwing.

1646\. -And Blueblood and Batfilly… I'm still trying to figure out how those two hook up in the first place…

1647\. -Shining Armor will kill me if I tell anypony about Twilight and Robin.

1648\. -It doesn't matter that she is carrying his puppies, I won't talk about Winona's affair with Ace the Bat-Hound.

1649\. -However, I can happily tell ponies about my one-night stand with Batmare; she already informed the Princess that I have her permission to do so.

1650\. I won't teach Pinkie Pie the dimension traveling spell. It doesn't matter that she is an earth pony, she'll find a way to use it.

1651\. -She's learned how to travel to other dimensions! We are all done! Cancel the show before she finds out!

1652\. Just because pegasi can walk on clouds doesn't mean that Equestria can have its own Flying Nimbus.

1653\. I told Twilight Sparkle about the Dogscape, so it's my responsibility to convince her that it's not going to happen. Seriously, she locked herself inside the Castle's library last week and still refuses to come out unless one of us discover an anti-dog spell.

1654\. "LEEROYYYY JENKINSSS!" is not an appropriate battle cry.

1655\. -Neither is "it's peanut butter jelly time!"

1656\. -The same applies to "BOOM shaka-laka!"

1657\. -And "Teen Titans Go!"

1658\. -"They may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!" is very inspiring, but no.

1659\. -"CAPTAIN CAAAAAAAAAAAVEMANE!" is just silly.

1660\. -I'm no longer allowed to have any sort of battle cry.

1661\. I am not allowed to throw cubes, or any other geometric solids.

1662\. -That goes double for pyramids because they're pointy.

1663\. -And triple when they're made of lead.

1664\. -It is against the law in Equestria to possess any lead geometric shapes. They tend to hurt.

1665\. I'm not allowed to read Cadance's yaoi mangas.

1666\. -Unless I lend her my yuri ones.

1667\. I'm not allowed to tell Twilight that Cadance reads hentai.

1668\. -I'm not allowed to explain to Twilight what a hentai is.

1669\. I will not explain why tentacles are better than dicks. Now Cadance is looking for a tentacle spell and Shining Armor blames me for it.

1670\. -I'll not tell Twilight why Cadance wants a tentacle spell.

1671\. -Cadance and I are not allowed to giggle like fillies while Twilight tries to figure out what Cadance would need tentacles for.

1672\. -Spike cannot join in on the giggling, he's too young to understand the real potential of tentacles.

1673\. I'm not allowed to ask Pinkie "what does the fox say?", it makes her break into song and we somehow always end up wearing silly fox costumes.

1674\. I am not allowed to ask Twilight what she _really_ thinks of Discord. It makes her feel uncomfortable.

1675\. -Especially not if Discord is in the room with us.

1676\. -Even if Discord and I are truly curious.

1677\. -_Especially_ if Discord and I are truly curious.

1678\. Celestia wishes to inform that the next time I eat her Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, I will be considered to have volunteered to tutor both Maud Pie and Rainbow Dash in how to bake a new one without the recipe.

1670\. -Failure in doing so will result in severe punishment.

1680\. I'll stop distributing yaoi mangas that feature caricatures of Soarin and the rest of the male Wonderbolts. The majority of the female Wonderbolts and fanfillies are starting to give them the creeps.

1681\. All residents of Equestria are hereby required to join the SOS Brigade immediately. -Supreme Brigade Chief Haruhi Suzumiya.

1682\. -Kyon, what did I tell you about letting Haruhi watch cartoons? - Deputy Chief Itsuki Koizumi.

1683\. -How was I supposed to know that this would happen?! Besides, it's not my fault that Nagato downloaded all the episodes on the club's computer and Haruhi ended up watching them. - Kyon.

1684\. -Sorry. - Yuki Nagato.

1685\. -Do I still have to wear the maid outfit? - Mikuru.

1686\. I'm not allowed to submit entries to this list.

1687\. I'll not tell Twilight about the Matrix, she is still trying to find a red pill.

1688\. The pink Princess is Princess Cadance, not Princess Bubblegum.

1689\. The purple Princess is Princess Twilight Sparkle, not Lumpy Space Princess.

1690\. When the earth pony offers his hooves; the pegasus, his wings and the unicorn, his horn, I will not offer my sex appeal; it ruins the moment.

1691\. I'm not allowed to point out that Tirek has two ribcages.

1692\. The square-cube law does not apply to Tirek.

1693\. I'm not the chosen one.

1694\. -Changing my name to Skywalker changes nothing.

1695\. -And using a spell to turn myself into a panda is also irrelevant.

1696\. -My vampire slayer powers were not activated "just now".

1697\. -Unless a very late owl just delivered me a letter to a certain school of witchcraft and wizardry, I'm still not the chosen one.

1698\. -No, I'm not destined to free everypony from the Matrix.

1699\. I must never allow Pinkie to-

*glitch* ERROR.

SUDJECT PINKAMENA DIANE PIE STARTED GLITCHING DURING ONE OF HER PARTY PROCEDURES.

THE INTEGRITY OF THE MATRIX HAS BEEN COMPROMISED.

RESET AND RESUME.

SUMING DATABASE... 101011100010...

RESET... COMPLETED.

RESUMING DATABASE...

1700\. I must never allow Pinkie to… Wait, didn't I just said this? Déjà vu…

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

Hawkeye Tyler: Thanks for rule 1651.

TheJokerman95: Thanks for rules 1643, 1644, 1699 and 1700. Also, thanks for the Dogscape idea. I'll try to use the rest of your suggestions on the next chapter.

Thanatos's Scribe: Thanks for rules 1652 (I'm guessing you meant Flying Nimbus), 1654, 1655, 1656 and 1660. I will try to use the summoning contract suggestion on the next chapter.

Order of the Bronies: Thanks for rules 1632, 1633, 1634, 1635, 1636, 1661 (I had to change toruses to cubes, because my AutoCorrect didn't accept the word), 1662, 1663, 1664 and 1686. Sorry, couldn't use the Justin Bieber one, I can only use it if we have an Equestrian equivalent, the character in question can travel between dimensions (Haruhi is a physical god, so it's possible for her to be able to do it) or doesn't really need an equivalent (examples: Death Note and Flying Nimbus).

SmarterThanArty: I got the joke, but it's too specific. I'm sorry, but thanks for the idea!


	8. 1701 - 1800

1701\. I'll not ask ponies how it feels to "have a filter in their heads that stop them before they act on their stupid ideas."

1702\. -I don't have the filter, so I'll never understand the feeling.

1703\. The Invisible Pink Unicorn is not real.

1704\. -It doesn't matter that I saw her, she's still not real.

1705\. -The Invisible Pink Unicorn is INVISIBLE, there's no way I could have actually seen her.

1706\. Celestia no longer cares that a have a Neighcronomicon. I'll just… try and be responsible with it.

1707\. -Summoning a swarm of zombies to take over Equestria is NOT responsible.

1708\. I will not summon the daleks. It is a bad idea.

1709\. -I will not use my Neighcronomicon to bring Colonel Stinkmeaner back to life so he can fight the daleks.

1710\. -Fight "RACISM with RACISM" is still not a good excuse to do so. Though, considering what he did in life to the Freemane family, one would conclude that him against the daleks would be a pretty awesome fight.

1711\. There's no way I can get Big MacIntosh pregnant.

1712\. -Rewritten: there's no way I can get Big MacIntosh pregnant WITHOUT magic or potions.

1713\. Never, ever leave flashlights, bottles, carrots or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will, somehow, work its way up your rectum.

1714\. -And the ponies at the hospital will not believe you.

1715\. Royalty shall not be referred to as "Inner Party."

1716\. -The Thought Police is not real.

1717\. -Celestia is not the Big Brother. She's female.

1718\. -Shining Armor doesn't work for the Ministry of Peace.

1719\. -Pinkie Pie doesn't work for the Ministry of Love.

1720\. -Applejack doesn't work for the Ministry of Truth.

1721\. -I'm not in charge of Room 101.

1722\. -There's no such thing as an "unpony."

1723\. -War is Peace.

1724\. -Slavery is Freedom.

1725\. -Ignorance is Strength.

1726\. -I'm to stop reading Oatwell books before bed; it's messing with my brain.

1727\. The seaponies do NOT worship Cthulhu.

1728\. I cannot keep Cthulhu as a pet.

1729\. -Giving Cthulhu to Fluttershy was a bad idea.

1730\. Rarity's talent is dressmaking; not mining.

1731\. -It doesn't matter that her cutie mark are three diamonds, not three dresses.

1732\. -The fact that she has the highest score in Minecraft also doesn't matter.

1733\. Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, shall never replace a cake ingredient. Again.

1734\. Pinkie Pie will not throw a swinger party, period.

1735\. -It doesn't matter that it is the only party she still haven't thrown.

1736\. No matter how fast I can run, I won't cross the street while drunk.

1737\. -The moving vehicle always wins. Always.

1738\. The government probably doesn't have a microchip in my spine and a camera planted in my eyeball so they can see everything I see.

1739\. -Celestia, however, admits that it would save her from a lot of trouble.

1740\. Twilight is not the descendant of Starswirl the Bearded and I should stop telling everypony she is.

1741\. -The old genealogy scroll that I found inside a secret compartment hidden on Celestia's bedroom and protected by a powerful ancient spell that only a powerful unicorn like Starswirl could cast proves nothing.

1742\. I will not bring the Smooze back to life. The flutterponies refuse to fight him again and it would be a disaster.

1743\. -"Disaster" is a rather strong word, let's call it a "whoopsy daisy."

1744\. I am no longer legally allowed to request transfer to Changeling territory, Dragon territory or anywhere outside Equestria. Celestia doesn't want even more foreigners declaring war on us just because she sent an "unholy offspring of chaos and evil itself" to wreak havoc among them and destroy their sanity.

1745\. -Scratch that, I can go anywhere I want to, I'm just not allowed to declare Sugarcube Corner a micro-nation and charge ponies to get in.

1746\. Discord is not Celestia's father.

1747\. -Even if it would explain a lot.

1748\. -The shippers would go crazy and we would run out of brain bleach in less than a day, so I will burn that genealogy scroll and never talk about it again.

1749\. We do not talk about Celestia's affair with the alternate Sombra.

1750\. I'm not allowed to make fun of Lyra for believing in humans, because she doesn't make fun of me for believing in the Smooze.

1751\. -The Smooze is real, just ask Cult Leader Fluttershy.

1752\. -Fluttershy is not a Cult Leader.

1753\. I'm not allowed to walk up to a random pony and say: "Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

1754\. -I'm not even sure there is a pony named Rocky.

1755\. -Very few ponies reading this would get that reference.

1756\. -Wait, there are ponies reading this? - Princess Celestia.

1757\. -I'm so busted right now…

1758\. I'm not allowed to play Neightendo Wii without attaching the hoof strap. I broke the stained-glass window with Spike and the Crystal Heart last time and now Spike wants to kill me.

1759\. -And Cadence is quite angry. You wouldn't like a Princess of Love when she gets angry.

1760\. Princess Luna's last name is not Lovegood.

1761\. I'm not allowed to become a Draconequus.

1762\. -I would be at least ten times worst than Discord and Equestria doesn't need another Chaos spree.

1763\. -It doesn't matter that Discord will never find a more suitable mate.

1764\. I am not the reincarnation of Princess Luna.

1765\. -Princess Luna is not dead.

1766\. -I'm not allowed to kill Princess Luna.

1767\. -I'm to explain how I managed to kill an immortal alicorn.

1768\. -The use of resurrection spells on an immortal alicorn is never a good idea.

1769\. I am not allowed to tap Celestia's flank and say, "If only I too could be so grossly incandescent."

1770\. The Elements of Harmony shall not be referred as: "Equestria Girls" or "Spike's Gems."

1771\. -Nor "The Ones Care Bears Want To Be."

1772\. -Or "Pinkie and the Pies."

1773\. -Or "Twilight and the Sparkles". Even if Princess Twilight approves this one.

1774\. I am not to get a temporary job at a strip club.

1775\. - I've never seen Fluttershy working on a strip club. Even if that explains how she gets the money to take care of her animals.

1776\. -I also have never seen Rainbow Dash visiting said strip club.

1777\. -Nor Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy making out behind a trashcan.

1778\. -And I did not join in.

1770\. -I better burn the pictures. All of them.

1780\. -I shall give Rainbow Dash copies of said pictures before burning them.

1781\. -Fluttershy also wants copies.

1782\. -I don't need to burn the pictures anymore.

1783\. -The pictures shall never be used to blackmail or boasting.

1784\. -The above rule is vetoed. - Rainbow Danger Responsibility Dash.

1785\. -Nopony but Princess Celestia has the right to veto a rule.

1786\. -All rules are vetoed. - Princess Celestia.

1787\. -I didn't write the above sentence. - Real Princess Celestia.

1788\. I am not allowed to (re)create the Draconequus race.

1789\. -Even if Discord approves.

1790\. -I am not allowed to summon any from other dimensions either.

1791\. I'm not allowed give pony summoning contracts to random ninjas that I encounter. Sorry, blond boy, looks like you'll have to stick with toads.

1792\. -It doesn't matter that thirteen ninjas already signed the contract. Twilight'll find a way to negate it.

1793\. Giving pegasi wingboners while they're flying is both dangerous and stupid.

1794\. -It doesn't matter that it was funny. Spitfire and Soarin almost died.

1795\. -I have to explain myself to Rainbow Dash before she murders me for almost killing her idols.

1796\. I'm to stop drawing My Small Human pictures of what I think ponies would look like.

1797\. -I would like to make it clear that it wasn't me. It was Lyra Heartstrings.

1798\. No means NO!

1799\. If I disobey any of these rules I will first take steps to pin the blame on Spike.

1800\. -Or Blueblood.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

Dragon2323: Thanks for rules 1744, 1745 and 1769.

TheJokerman95: Thanks for rules 1703, 1709 and 1710.

Order of the Bronies: Thanks for rules 1753, 1754, 1755, 1756, 1758 and 1759. I did not get the "I BrOk3 ReAL1tY! un 4 YuR Liv3$!" suggestion.

Thanatos's Scribe: Thanks for rule 1791.

Earl Annex: Thanks for rules 1740, 1746, 1747, 1749, 1760, 1761, 1764, 1765, 1766, 1767, 1788, 1789 and 1790. Already used "Tyrant Celestia" and "Foal of Discord" before.


	9. 1801 - 1900

1801\. I am not allowed to summon a robot army to remain incognito until it is time to strike.

1802\. -I cannot sing about them being "Robots in Disguise."

1803\. -Sweetie Belle is not part of my army of robots.

1804\. I am not allowed to summon the Care Bears.

1805\. -If I perform the previous action, I will not send the Care Bears back in time to help Nightmare Moon fight the Elements of Harmony.

1806\. -The Care Bear Stare, when combined by six Care Bears, does not beat the Elements of Harmony.

1807\. Nopony is to discuss who Chrysalis should turn into.

1808\. -Because she should totally turn into Sapphire Shores.

1809\. -No, she shouldn't. - Sapphire Shores.

1810\. -But Chrysalis sings _way_ better!

1811\. -COME AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE! - Sapphire Shores.

1812\. -ONLY IF YOU PAY ME DINNER FIRST!

1813\. -FINE! I'LL PICK YOU UP AT EIGHT! - Sapphire Shores.

1814\. -Cool! Date with a pop star!

1815\. -YOU TRICKED ME, YOU LITTLE PEST! - Sapphire Shores.

1816\. Comparing Discord with Tirek within either of the two's hearing range will be harmful to my health.

1817\. -Nurse Redheart has also mentioned that these injuries priorities are the Doctor's last priority, so I'm to expect a long wait.

1818\. -Complaining only moves me further to the back of the line as I die a slow and painful death from blood loss and evil chaos magic.

1819\. Drinking games are not to be played on the Castle.

1820\. -Especially if we are playing the "My Immortal" drinking game.

1821\. -Alright, who threw up on my throne? - Princess Celestia.

1822\. -I think it was Twilight. - Princess Luna.

1823\. -The sad thing is she was only drinking water. - Discord.

1824\. "My Immortal" is never to be read aloud on the Castle again.

1825\. -It makes Luna curl up into a ball and it's hard to get her to stop shaking.

1826\. -It makes Celestia cry.

1827\. -It actually scares Discord.

1828\. I'm not allowed show Spike any M rated fanfic about him.

1829\. -This goes double for Sparity. He doesn't need more encouragement.

1830\. -Triple if it is Spike/Twilight. The situation would be very awkward afterwards.

1831\. Imaginary dragons are not radioactive.

1832\. I'm not allowed to make weapons out of Steven Magnet's scales.

1833\. -Just because they were sharp enough to cut Rarity's tail off doesn't mean anything.

1834\. -I don't need weapons anyway.

1835\. I'm not allowed to ask Cheerilee about what her cutie mark REALLY means.

1836\. -Or suggest a little weeding. We all know what that would add up to.

1837\. -And I won't call Big Mac and Pinkie Pie to help.

1838\. -It doesn't matter that there's nothing better than fresh cupcakes after a nice school play.

1839\. Spike is not Twilight's son! I am done with this subject!

1840\. -Even though she hatched him.

1841\. I'm not allowed to make Fluttershy's birds angry.

1842\. -And then put them in slingshots.

1843\. -Nor am I allowed to paint ANY pig green. ANYWHERE.

1844\. -It will not result in an awesome game; the idea is way too silly.

1845\. There is no Alicorn Princess of BDSM.

1846\. –I am not allowed to convince any of the Alicorn Princesses to become the new Princess of BDSM.

1847\. –Especially Cadance. Shining Armor wouldn't last a day with a dominatrix for wife.

1848\. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.

1849\. I am not fluent in any dialect of gibberish.

1850\. I will refrain from using wildly inaccurate high explosive spells in close quarters.

1851\. I must remember royals do not share my love for parodies.

1852\. –Only Trollestia. But she doesn't count.

1853\. I'm not allowed to tell Spike that there's a ghost haunting Twilight's Castle.

1854\. -Nor that said ghost screams and moans whenever I sleep over.

1855\. -If I tell him that the only way to silence the ghost is "a lot of lube", Twilight will banish me to Tartarus.

1856\. When I choosing my pet, Pegasi are not a legal choice.

1857\. –The same goes for all ponykind.

1858\. -Any pet I may have must be Fluttershy approved first.

1859\. –And Celestia approved.

1860\. Yes, Applejack can count up to ten. No, I will not dare Applejack to do it.

1861\. I cannot wish nopony else gets wishes.

1862\. -My wish cannot be "I wish you wouldn't grant this wish."

1863\. -My one wish cannot be "I wish everything on this piece of paper was true."

1864\. A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon and I won't tell the Royal Guard otherwise.

1865\. Dragons do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower.

1866\. –And I won't tell Spike they do.

1867\. I am not allowed to create recreational drugs in suppository format.

1868\. –I am not allowed to create any drug in any format.

1869\. I have neither the touch nor the power.

1870\. I cannot liven up the adventure with snappy musical numbers.

1871\. I am not the Princess of Common Sense.

1872\. –I am immune to common sense.

1873\. There is no Summon Bimbo spell.

1874\. –And I will not create one.

1875\. None of Celestia's maids knows kung fu.

1876.–Even if the ones from Neighpan.

1877\. Anything Twilight Sparkle has to ponder the full impact of for more than three minutes is forbidden.

1878\. No matter what popular media says, harpoons are not proper ninja weapons.

1870\. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.

1880\. No thinking up new, creative and fun uses for cursed items.

1881\. I cannot use the Death Star to destroy the Moon. At all. For any reason.

1882\. -I also cannot use it to destroy the Sun.

1883\. -I can, however, blast Uranus.

1884\. I'm not allowed to give my pet a name with more than ten different consonants or five of the same one.

1885\. -If my pet's name involves any of the following words: Darkness, Chaos, Celestia, Death, Killer or Slaughter. I will be forced to rename her.

1886\. -I am not allowed to give my pet any name that has more special characters than letters.

1887\. -If even one pony cannot say my pet's name with a straight face, I am not allowed to use that name.

1888\. I will stop instigating racial hatred between unicorns and earth ponies.

1889\. -We all know that the pegasi are the real enemies.

1890\. -No, they're not. - Princess Celestia.

1891\. Colgate is a pony, not a toothbrush

1892\. -Even if her mane IS bristly, and it worked on my teeth.

1893\. Anypony pregnant is to be obeyed.

1894\. -Is there anything you want to tell us? - Princess Luna.

1895\. -Please, tell me Discord is NOT the father… - Princess Celestia.

1896\. -I'm not pregnant… it's just in case.

1897\. Discord and I are not allowed to get married to each other.

1898\. -Ever. Celestia has nightmares about how awful our offspring would be.

1899\. -It doesn't matter that Pinkie and Fluttershy agreed to be our mare of honor and best mare. The wedding is off.

1900\. -Luna giving us her blessing changes nothing.

**I'm open to suggestions for more things that I'm not allowed to do!**

Russet Burbank: Thanks for rules 1831, 1832, 1833, 1834, 1835, 1836, 1839, 1840, 1841, 1842, 1843, 1891 and 1892.

SariahTheHedgehog01: Thanks for rules 1801 and 1802.

Dragon2323: Thanks for rules 1804, 1805 and 1806.

Guest: Thanks for rule 1881.

Reese's Bag o' Twix: Thanks for rule 1828. Now an OOC note: I did not use the ones about Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle because they made me feel a little uncomfortable (it's not your fault, it just activated a teeny tiny trauma trigger and I ended up curled up in a ball, shaking and crying, for two or three hours while whispering something about my dad). But no hard feelings, hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	10. 1901 - 2000

**OOC's note:** Sorry for taking so long. Someone that I shall not name sent me a psych ward again because I tried to commit suicide (hanging, in case you're curious) and so I had to survive months of therapy, medication and a roomy with dissociative identity disorder that had both of her personalities crushing on me. Anyway, here goes the last chapter before the bonus.

1901\. I'm not allowed to write anypony's name on Twilight Sparkle's to-do list; there's a high chance she'll try to do that pony.

1902\. -This goes double if I write my own name.

1903\. The Crystal Empire is not a buffet for dragons.

1904\. The Alicorn Amulet is not a toy.

1905\. The Liquor store across the street is not an acceptable place to hang out during my breaks.

1906\. I'm not allowed to declare myself "first president of Equestria". Equestria is still a Monarchy.

1907\. Celestia always has "reasons I don't understand" for screwing up procedures that worked fine before, and I am not allowed to know why.

1908\. Apple trees do not experience emotional pain and suffering, and any lawsuit filed against the Apple Family on an apple tree behalf is therefore frivolous.

1909\. I'm not allowed to refer to Alicorn Twilight as OP.

1910\. I'll not tell Sweetie Belle that Rarity is into BDSM.

1911\. I'm not allowed to convince Fluttershy to watch any of the following movies under the excuse of being about "cutesy little animals": Plague Dogs, Watership Down, Felidae and Animal Farm.

1912\. -Fluttershy is still not ready for The Lion King.

1913\. No, I may not use CPR as an excuse anymore.

1914\. Criticizing Celestia's ruling skills is to be done in my head, not aloud.

1915\. Prince Blueblood is not the Uke of all Ukes.

1916\. -Big MacIntosh, however, is the Seme of all Semes.

1917\. I'm not allowed to have voodoo dolls.

1918\. -I'm also not allowed to borrow Zecora's.

1919\. Celestia has no idea how I did it, but I'm not allowed to get everypony in the Castle to play Red Rover while she's out again.

1920\. Equestria doesn't need a regime change.

1921\. The magical mirror kept at the Crystal Empire is not the Mirror of Erised.

1922\. I'm not allowed to use the gender bend spell to discover what the opposite gender really talks about.

1923\. I will not ask Discord how he was created. I don't want to know.

1924\. I'm not allowed to burst in the middle of Cheerilee's class and say "Hey! Teacher! Leave them foals alone!"

1925\. "See, yes is yes and no is no, but yes is no means yes, you know?" is not the best way to explain the female brain.

1926\. Thestrals are not real.

1927\. -It doesn't matter that I can see them. They're still not real.

1928\. Cheese Sandwich does not understand the nickname "Weird Al."

1929\. I don't need a green card if I already have citizenship.

1930\. Apple Bloom is not the best choice for Equestria's President, no matter how many votes she gets.

1931\. Discord is not joining the Cutie Mark Crusaders and that is final.

1932\. Trixie and I are not a couple.

1933\. -Not in public at least.

1934\. The Royal Guard are to be treated as ponies, not like the incompetent morons they are.

1935\. Summoning evil maniacal jesters bent on world domination from alternate universes is amoral and wrong. So I won't do it.

1936\. -No matter how sexy said jester is. He has a girlfriend willing to kill me.

1937\. I am no longer allowed to barter with changelings.

1938\. Griffins are not the result of hot lion on eagle action.

1939\. I will not put a whoopee cushion on the Princess' throne.

1940\. Rumble's full name is not Rumblebutt the Master of Flatulence.

1941\. -Even if the title suits him.

1942\. I am not allowed to instigate fights between ponies just to see who will win.

1943\. I will not show Twilight my new OC, in fact I may never again show my OC in public.

1944\. -Yes, this because my OC managed to be even more of a Marey Sue than Rainbow Dash's OC.

1945\. No necromancy. That's final. Luna doesn't care if it results in the best cake ever made.

1946\. -But Celestia does, so I'll teach necromancy to the Royal Chef and the recipe is now considered a Royal Treasure.

1947\. I'm not allowed to ask Applejack how she won the war.

1948\. I'm not allowed at Galacon. Not after what I did at Ponycon.

1949\. No indoors shopping cart races.

1950\. I am not not allowed to repeat repeat every third word word that I say say.

1951\. I'm not allowed to convince others that they only exist in my imagination.

1952\. I shouldn't ask the attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on me.

1953\. I'm not allowed to start talking, but don't finish any of my

1954\. I'm not allowed to write "for sexual favors" in the memo field of my checks.

1955\. -Even if it really is for sexual favors.

1956\. I will not ask the waitress for an extra seat for my imaginary friend.

1957\. Adding an extra syllalable to words is wrong and I won't do it.

1958\. The clinic's waiting room is no place for a sing-along.

1959\. I'll not get Rainbow Dash to star in a show where she reads fanfics.

1960\. -"Rainbow Dash Presents" is a terrible name for a show anyway.

1961\. I am not allowed to summon Dark Brotherhood Assassins in Canterlot.

1962\. -I am not allowed to be a Dark Brotherhood Assassin anywhere in Equestria.

1963\. I'm not allowed to adjust my schedule to "account for daylight savings time."

1964\. Molestia and I are to play our _games _inside Molestia's room. With locked doors and silencing spells.

1965\. -Luna isn't allowed to come out of her room when Molestia and I break the above rule.

1966\. I'm not allowed to look for that strange book that made Rainbow Dash die.

1967\. -Or kill her to see if the curse remains.

1968\. I'm not allowed to sing Michael Jackscolt songs in front of Cheerilee. She has bad memories of those.

1969\. I'm not allowed to summon up spirits to posses others.

1970\. Romantic comedies are no longer allowed because the ones I watch are very graphic.

1971\. I'm not allowed to mention the strip club down the block in front of foals.

1972\. I do not have short term memory loss.

1973\. "Dress in drag and do the hula" is not the appropriate way to deal with enemy minions.

1974\. I am not allowed to renovate the Castle of the Two Sisters and rename it "Castle Grayskull".

1975\. Playing the midnight game, one-mare hide and seek and summoning the Bloody Marey - all at the same time - while inside a haunted house that used to be an insane asylum built on top of a buffalo burial ground during a dark and stormy night is overkill _and_ a stupid idea.

1976\. I'm not allowed to write detailed letters to the Royal Guard regarding their security flaws and how I exploited them. They will never fix them.

1977\. Rarity eating marshmallows is not cannibalism.

1978\. I will not have a whole cake for breakfast and make fun of all the dieting mares while eating it.

1970\. "I bet you can't do that" is not an invitation to do something stupid.

1980\. I am not allowed to call the very big Royal Guard stallions "A BUNCH OF SISSIES!" and hide behind my psychiatrist. Or my ex.

1981\. I am allowed to entertain several young foals with stories of the incoming zombie apocalypse between classes. Apparently anything is allowed if it keeps the CMC quiet and in one place for ten minutes.

1982\. I'm not allowed to make paper airplanes out of Friendship Reports.

1983\. I'm not allowed to wear my bunny costume during Nightmare Night. I know which one.

1984\. I will not perform an age spell on myself and convince everypony that I had a foal. Seriously, Celestia declared state of emergency and Discord and Luna got pissed because they weren't the godparents.

1985\. There is no good reason for maniacal laughter.

1986\. Excessive radiation exposure will not turn me into a superhero.

1987\. I am not the one and only.

1988\. I can't place ponies under military arrest.

1989\. I don't have the authority to ground another pony's foal.

1990\. -I now have the authority to ground Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Luna; their sisters gave me permission.

1991\. No hostile takeovers of Canterlot

1992\. -No friendly takeovers of Canterlot.

1993\. I'm the only one qualified to lead the survivors in case of zombie apocalypse. The Princesses have been warned.

1994\. The song that never ends is over when an authority figure walks into the room.

1995\. Rarity whining is not a form of psychological torture.

1996\. I must not spend my day thinking up new ways to screw with ponies' heads.

1997\. I won't ever do these lists again.

1998\. -They're too boring.

1999\. -And long.

2000\. I'm allowed to disobey every single thing I was ever forbidden from doing if, and only _if_, a villain somehow manages to take over Equestria and all others options have been eliminated.

**I am no longer looking for suggestions…**

Thanks everypony for all the reviews, reads and favorites. I was a honor to write a fanfic worth of your time.

I would like to say that you're great, all you. (Yes, even you, who just read and enjoyed the list.)

reykan: Thanks for rule 1943.

Russet Burbanks: Thanks for rules 1947, 1948, 1966, 1967 and 1968. And about the extra chapter, it is the 11th.

Thewhitedragon14: Thanks for rules 1935 and 1936.

Dragon2323: Thanks for rules 1961, 1962, 1945 and 1974.


	11. Bonus

Hi! I'm Rapture Dream, the silly filly who always gets herself in trouble.

So, some of you wanted to know more about me, so I wrote this short resume about my life. It's not a story per se, but it's enough to tell a little about myself and my friends. Anyway:

I'm a black unicorn with long pink straight mane and tail. My eyes are yellow and I have no idea what my cutie mark is because I was attacked by a tiger when I was younger, so I just have four light beige scars on each flank. And, before you ask, I already tried healing spells and potions, but they were useless.

My Mom and Dad are a couple of traveling dragons, they are unable to have hatchlings, so they adopted orphans from all over Equestria. I have twelve siblings, all from different species.

Mom says she found me inside a garbage can in Canterlot when I was just a newborn. The first time I interacted with another pony I was already a teenager.

One day a pegasus stallion found our cave and took me away from my family. He introduced me to Celestia, and called me something along the lines of a "feral pony". Celestia got real mad at him, called my mom and apologized a lot. After that, Celestia told us that I had a "powerful magic within" or something like that, and wanted me to study at Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns with full scholarship.

Mom agreed and Celestia introduced me to my roommates: Shrink and Night.

Night Terror is a grey unicorn with green eyes. Her mane and tail are brown and her cutie mark is the black silhouette of a dragon with a yellow eye. Her special talent is anything dragon-related; pretty much like Fluttershy's talent is anything animal-related, but more specific. Night Terror and I are in love since the day we met, but we're trapped in an endless cycle of friendship with benefits, dating, breaking up and back to friendship with benefits because Night Terror's talent keeps pulling her back to me, the pony raised by dragons, and me back to her. It is sad, really, but I hope one day we will be able to get over it.

Shrinking Violet, a violet pegasus with big orange eyes. Her mane and tail are silver and always look like she is in a bad mane day; her cutie mark is a blue violet in bloom. She's a very shy and socially awkward mare, but is also brave and spends her free time doing stuff that would make the Wonderbolts and Royal Guards look like a bunch of klutz foals. She's also my shrink, because nopony else is able to hear about the inner workings of my mind without breaking down crying. Her special talent is winning against all odds, just like a flower that blooms in the most adverse of circumstances.

You're probably wondering why is a pegasus studying at an unicorn school. Here's the explanation:

Her father was a pegasus Royal Guard, his best friend was unicorn Royal Guard. One day the pegasus met his best friend's sister, they fell in love, got married and had a foal. Unhappily, a few years later the mare died of cutie pox, because she got a suicide cutie mark and killed herself before they could find the cure.

Shrink was sent to Pegasus Military School, a place she hates. She dreamed of going to Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns, to be closer to her mother, but she was a pegasus and so her dream was impossible. But one day, her father died while in a mission for Celestia. The Princess herself told the news to Shrink, and asked if there was anything she could do to help. Shrink herself was too sad to talk, but her uncle told the Princess about Shrink's wishes to study at her school. Celestia said she would see what she could do about it. A few days later Shrink got a letter from Celestia, saying that she could study at her school.

And that's how a pegasus got to study at an unicorn school.

Anyway, we became friends almost instantly. Sadly, we weren't the most popular fillies at school… you see, Shrink is a pegasi, I was a walking disaster and Night's clan, Nightmare Clan, loves dark magic and witchcraft more than the Apple Clan loves apples (seriously, the only pony in the whole clan that refuses to use dark magic is Night Terror's older sister, Sweet Dreams). We only had each other, but we survived and graduated.

After graduating I couldn't find a job, so now I just travel around doing any kind of work that gets me some bits, traveling back to Canterlot and Ponyville from time to time in order to update my list. Shrink does high danger missions for the Princess, having wild adventures that rival Daring Do's, and serves as my psychiatrist every now and then; and Night is still living in Canterlot with her family, working on the family store.

Night got her cutie after seeing a full grown dragon flying over Canterlot.

Shrink got her while helping her mother at the garden.

I usually tell ponies that my scars are my cutie mark and come up with random meanings that will help me seem more suitable for a job.

I think that's everything, so until next time! Thanks for reading!

With love,

Rapture Dream.


End file.
